From STANGECOSMOS.COM:
9-12-05
"A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave." - William Drummond
"The only difference between a wise man and a fool is that the wise man knows he's playing." - Fritz Peris
"Without fools the rest of us could not succeed." - Mark Twain
8-15-05
"Food" Quotes
Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?" ~ Bill Cosby
I don't eat anything that a dog won't eat. Like sushi. Ever see a dog eat sushi? He just sniffs it and says, "I don't think so." And this is an animal that licks between its legs and sniffs fire hydrants. - Billiam Coronel
I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require as much cooking. - Carrie Snow
In terms of fast food and deep understanding of the culture of fast food, I'm your man. ~ Bill Gates
Why ma'am, there's nothing in these but eggs, flour, butter, and a little sugar. Nothing in them will hurt you a bit. Just don't eat a box of them is all. ~ William Rosenberg (on donuts).
You can say this for these ready-mixes -- the next generation isn't going to
have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make.
~ Earl Wilson
6-30-05
The coward threatens when he is safe.- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
They have vilified me, they have crucified me. Yes, they have even criticized me.- Richard J. Daley
People can be divided into two classes: those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, 'Why wasn't it done the other way?' - Oliver Wendell Holmes
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard
6-6-05
"I say I'm Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin all wrapped up into one. If I die early ... I'll be just like those guys." - Dennis Rodman, 1997
"I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults." - David Lee Roth
"It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher." - Linda Evangelista, 1997
"If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect." - Ted Turner
"There's something about me that makes a lot of people want to throw up." - Pat Boone
5-19-05
Quotes About "Wisdom"
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Know thyself." - Linnaeus
"The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison
"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing." - Engineer's Motto
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think." - Dorothy Parker
4-5-05
ART QUOTES
"Art is making something out of nothing and selling it”.~ Frank Zappa
“Every artist was first an amateur.”~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
”To live a creative life we must lose our fear of being wrong.”~ Joseph Chilton Pearce
”Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”~ Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
2-21-05
Lawyer QUOTES
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.” - Robert Frost
”In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.” - Lenny Bruce
”Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.” - Anton Chekhov
1-24-05
A day without sunshine is like night. -unknown
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. -- Abraham Maslow
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.” - Matt Lauer, "Today" show, August 22, 1996
11-29-04
Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? - Rita Rudner
They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But he finally decided to let her go. - Anonymous
11-9-04
"Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality." - Ralph Marston
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick
"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." - Richard Braunstein
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." - Samuel Butler
"I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on." - Oscar Levant
10-15-04
"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."- Anonymous
"Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few
bottoms to
make sure you like what you are getting." - Anonymous
"Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot." - Anonymous
"Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the
strings." - Anonymous
(Wonder why
these are all anonymous???)
10-13-04
Church Bulletin Bloopers
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
10-4-04
"People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have."~ Anne Tyler
"A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck."~ James A. Garfield
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?"~ Jean Cocteau
9-30-04
" Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first." - Anonymous
"People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election." - Otto von Bismarck
"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair." - George Burns
9-27-04
"If someone offers you a breath mint, accept it." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.,
"Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don't trust anyone over 30." - Argus McFeely
"Never moon a werewolf."- Mike Binder
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." - Erma Bombeck
9-22-04
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." - Benjamin Disraeli
"One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife...." - Robert Boynton
"Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital." - Aaron Levenstein
"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap." - Dolly Parton
"Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for your face." - Anita Wise
"Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings." - George Will
"Nobody in Football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann
"The road to easy street goes through the sewer." John Madden
8-23-04
MARINE BUMPER STICKERS
USMC: When it absolutely, positively must be
destroyed overnight.
When in doubt, empty the magazine.
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
U.S. Marines: Travel agents to Allah.
It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden, it's our job
to arrange the meeting.
Sergeants think their only flaw is their excessive
modesty.
Except for ending slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and
Communism, war has never solved anything.
8-5-04
"A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer."- Dean Acheson
"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by."- Douglas Adams
"A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."- Fred Allen
"I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months." - - W. C Fields
"The only thing I thought might ever kill me off was clean living. I thought, "How am I going to listen to that horrible noise I make without a gram of coke and a couple of double Jack Daniels?" - - Iggy Pop
"You know, it's cigarettes that killed (Jerry) Garcia. Everyone thinks it's heroin, but it wasn't. It was cigarettes." - - John Mellencamp, 1996
7-2-04
"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."-- Jennifer Unlimited
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."-- Catherine Aird
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I'm also not blonde."-- Dolly Parton
6-24-04
"One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him." ---Jeffrey Bernard.
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that." --Bill Shankly.
"Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors." -- Sam Goldwyn
6-3-04
"Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory." - Arthur Ashe
"Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance." - Henry W. Beecher
"You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are." - Herb Cohen
"Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford." - Cindy Crawford
5-24-04
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" -- Stephen Wright
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." -- Frank Zappa
5-20-04
"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you! "
"Has anyone heard about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac... who used to lay awake nights wondering if there really was a Dog?"
5-13-04
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." --U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer
"Since It's the UN's 50th birthday, we should take a moment to ponder all the wonderful things that organization has done to make the world a better place. Let's do that right now. Ah, you're done. That didn't take long, did it?"--Chester G. Edwards.
A football expert said this of coach Vince Lombardi: "He possesses minimal football knowledge. Lacks motivation."
"Make fun of the devil..... if you dare.....for you are deep in his territory." -Tomas
4-30-04
"In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down." -Brian Weir
"Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." -David Lloyd George
"Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment." -Baltasar Gracian, The Oracle
"These are the women
who, no offense, want you for only one of three things: a) you have money, b)
you look good on her arm, c) she has nothing else to do on Saturday night. If
any one of these things changes, she's out the door like Paris Hilton on laundry
night."
---Susan Fishman : 4 Ways Women Deceive You
(MSN)
4-19-04
Golf Quotes
A compulsive golfer is a crackputt. ---Anon
The definition of the average golfer is: one who starts at six, shouts 'Fore!', takes five, and puts down a three. ---Anon
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ---Phyllis Oilier
4-16-04
"He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool - avoid him! He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep - waken him! He who knows not and knows that he knows not wants a beating - beat him! But he who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man - know him."---Proverb
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." ---Frank Lloyd Wright
"You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected."--- Gerald Barzan
3-29-04
"If you copy from one author it's plagiarism. If you copy from two, it's research." - Wilson Mizner -
"Rocks are smarter than cats because rocks have the sense to go away when you kick them." - Zenon Pylyshyn -
3-26-04
"Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock." --unknown
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met." --Steven Wright
3-22-04
"A closed mouth gathers no feet."
"No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes."
"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
"I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom."
"My mind is like the prairie, roamed by the buffalo: Wide open and well fertilized, but nothing much on it." -Tomas
3-18-04
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem." -Author UnKnown
"Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose." - UnKnown
"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car." -- Carrie Snow
"Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a C0ND0M full of walnuts."- - - Clive James
"Beyond the hair, tattoos and earrings, he's just like you and me."- - - Bob Hill (about Dennis Rodman, 1995)
"Do you mind if I smoke?"- - - Oscar Wilde (to Sarah Bernhardt) "I don't care if you burn."- - - Sarah Bernhardt, in reply